Why Has My Loved One Not Come Through?

Here is my latest short video titled ‘Why Has My Loved One Not Come Through a Medium?’  In it, I talk about the many factors that influence why you may not have heard from your loved ones in spirit. I also talk about what you can do to give your loved ones in spirit the opportunity to communicate.  A transcript of it is provided below and I hope you enjoy it.   Click here to view on YouTube and subscribe to my channel.


Hi there everybody, it’s Martin Twycross here. The topic for today’s question is “Why has my loved one not come through a medium?” And this is a question I get asked pretty regularly, especially when people go for sittings, or go to Spiritualist churches or to demonstrations, gallery readings, where their loved one does not come through. And they expect them to, but they don’t so people ask me, “Why has my loved one not come through?”

So the first thing I want to say is that your loved ones cannot get trapped. There is no such thing as a no man’s land: a space between this world and the spirit world [that] when your loved ones pass, they get stuck in between and they don’t make it to spirit. That is completely untrue. I’ve heard some medium say that, and that drives me mad because there is no such thing.

All of our loved ones when they pass, they go directly to the spirit world. They are met by their loved ones. They are taken care of. They are looked after. They are met in love. So rest assured that: your loved one is not stuck anywhere; your loved one is not trapped anywhere; your loved one definitely made it to the spirit world. That’s point one.

So point two is we have to understand that: we have free will and choice here. And when someone passes to the spirit world, they have free will and choice as well in the spirit world. So it has to be their choice whether they wish to communicate.

You know, it is possible that they may be busy in the spirit world at the moment you’d like to hear from them. It is possible they have other things to do. So we have to understand as well that they have to be available.

They have to be available and, also as well as being available, they have to be willing and wishing to communicate through a medium. That’s important as well. So they have free will and choice.

The other thing we have to think about is their beliefs when they were here. If somebody was firmly against the Spiritualist church, or firmly against mediums, firmly against, in their own minds, talking to the “so called dead”. Those beliefs may be retained after passing for some time. So they may still believe that to communicate through medium is not a good thing. It may take time for that belief to fall away or for that belief to change. So we have to give them time for their beliefs to change.

Now I’ll illustrate this with a story from my own experience. I was talking to a guy on a course. We were doing a course together and he said despite being around Spiritualist churches and mediums for 10 years, his father in spirit had never come through. And we were chatting in a bar at the time and I made a link with his father straight away. I felt him there and was able to bring through evidence to demonstrate his father was around him. And the bit that was really interesting for me was: he was devoutly religious and Spiritualism was not his religion. And Spiritualism was not a religion he liked. And even after passing, there was still a resistance there with him to come through in a Spiritualist church. But because that bar was neutral territory, he was happy to come through there.

So their beliefs can affect where they come through and how they come through. We have to understand that as well. And it may take time for those beliefs to change.

Some people go to a medium as soon as somebody passes and their loved ones don’t come through. And what we have to understand is that when somebody passes, it does take time to adjust to their new surroundings, it takes time to adjust to the spirit world. There may be a need for healing with some people as well. Healing may be needed to take place to help them to come to terms with their passing.

And we have to understand as well that if people have a belief in the afterlife. If they have a belief in life after death, and they are comfortable with mediums, then generally it’s quicker for them to come through. But for people who don’t, it can take time.

In my own father’s case, my own father didn’t believe in life after death at all. He used to tell me “Son, you are wasting your time with that Spiritualism stuff.” And it took my dad over two years to come through. Bearing in mind I’m around mediums regularly, it took him quite some time before he finally chose to come through.

Remember, it is always their choice. And if they’re wondering how they’re going to be met when they come through… If you’ve had a difficult relationship with a loved one, and there’s a bit of concern about how will you greet them, then again, that can stop them coming forwards. We have to understand as well that there are so many factors in the mix, you see.

The other thing we have to understand is that those in the spirit world actually have to be trained to link to the mind of a medium. They actually have to learn to do it. It’s not a skill they automatically have. Just as we as mediums, we learn to move our minds to the spirit world and blend with the spirit world; they have to learn to blend with the mind of the medium.

So we can often identify if someone is new at this because it’s not always such an easy blend. But when someone has been through many, many times before, it can be effortless. The information flows to us effortlessly. And that’s a sign of, in the spirit world, whether the loved one is used to doing it, or whether it may be new to them.

There are other factors as well, of course where their personality affects it as well. If they are outgoing, if they are a little bit difficult around people, all of that plays a part as well within that. So that is not the only thing we can work out from that.

Something else we have to look at as well is: Is the medium a good match for your loved one? And by that, we talk about vibrational matches and I have what I call a “radio analogy”.

If you imagine all people in the spirit world have their own unique wavelengths, their own unique frequency; then as mediums we cover a spectrum, a band of frequencies. A beginner medium may only have a narrower band, a more experienced medium a bigger band, and someone who’s been working for a long, long time may have developed quite a wide range that they can cover.

If however, the person who’s trying to communicate sits just outside the mediums band, they’re not going to be able to easily link with them. And just like tuning in a radio, when someone’s within your band: it is pretty good, it is pretty strong. But if someone’s just at the edge, it can be in and out. Sometimes it’s good. Sometimes it’s not.

The radio analogy is a very good analogy of how it can be. And some people may be on a wavelength that is just not an easy wavelength for most mediums to get to. That’s possible also, I believe. So we have to be that good vibrational match with the spirit communicator as well.

The other thing we have to think about is opportunity. Are you giving your loved ones an opportunity?

If you go along to a demonstration of mediumship just the once: and there’s 100 people in the audience, and each of those 100 people in the audience has, say 4 loved ones in the spirit world, on average. For the one person you might want to get through, you’ve got a 1 in 400 chance. It’s not going to be high. If you’re in a big audience, a theatre audience, you’ve got a much lower chance. If you’re in say, a gallery reading or a demonstration, and there’s only 20 people in the room, it’s about 1 in 20 [for you to get a contact].

But if you go for a private sitting, there’s only you there, [so] you’ve got a much, much higher chance. So I would always recommend a private reading over any kind of demonstration if you really would like to connect to your loved ones.

But if you only have access to demonstrations, then make sure you give it enough time. I remember the very first time I went to a Spiritualist church. I have got scientific background. I looked at the number of people in the room. I guessed how many people they had in spirit that they would like to hear from. And I kind of calculated that I had better go at least 20 times to give my own loved one, my loved ones, a chance of coming through to me.

So we have to make the opportunity. That’s the important thing. If you go just once or twice and it doesn’t happen, you may be disheartened. But at the end of the day, you’ve not really given them a great enough opportunity. So make sure you’re giving them that opportunity.

And also don’t go there thinking “I just want the one loved one. I just want that person and that person only. No other one, I don’t want anybody else, send them away. I just want that one.” Keep an open mind. Whoever comes forward for you: work with it, accept it.

Recognise that the one you want to hear from at that moment in time may not be able to come forward for you. But as long as one of your loved ones is coming forward, it demonstrates that your loved ones are in the spirit world. We are still getting that evidence. We are still getting that proof that our loved ones are there you see. So keep an open mind.

And sometimes it takes somebody else to come in a sitting to pave the way, to allow the one you want to hear [from], to come forward. So we have to accept other people first, often before the one we want comes in.

And if the one you really want to hear from was to come forward first, there may be such an emotional energy involved for both parties that the link may collapse. So somebody else comes forward, and they help establish the link. They help create that flow, that energy. And then the one you want to hear from can come forward and there’s less likelihood of there being that emotional energy to collapse the link, you see.

So the spirit world is intelligent; they know what they are doing. So just go with it.

And if you’re unlucky: if you go to mediums a great deal of times, if you go to a lot of mediums and you still haven’t heard from your loved one, then you should remember that they are in the spirit world. They are there. And I can guarantee that they care about you and they love you. Just keep giving them the chance. And I’m sure that that opportunity will present itself eventually.

And just remember, you may have to go to a lot of different mediums. Because if your loved one is at that band that is hard to communicate with, then just maybe it can be difficult and you’ve got to you’ve got to seek out a lot of mediums. But sooner or later, you should get there. It’s very rare that we don’t hear from our loved ones at all when they’re close to us.

So with myself, there are some people in my own extended family who have never come through a medium. Now there could be a number of reasons for that. The most obvious one for me is [that] I don’t know a great deal about them. So we also have to know information about our loved ones as well to be able to recognise them.

Especially if it’s in a church-type environment, or a gallery reading or a demonstration where your loved ones come forward with some information. If you don’t recognise that information in that instant, and you can’t place them, then what you’ll get in the spirit world is a swap-over. Somebody else will come forward who will be recognised by somebody. So we need to learn as much as we can about our own loved ones.

In my own case, there’s a few people who haven’t been through. But for those few people who haven’t been through, I know very, very little about [them]. So a medium would have to give me some very, very highly-specific information for me to recognise them. And that will be much more likely to happen in a private reading than in the demonstration environment, if that makes sense to you.

So understand, if your loved one hasn’t been through, it’s probably a matter of time. It may take time for them to get to the point of being able to communicate. It may take time for them to move to a position where they can relinquish any fears or beliefs they had about communicating.

And you have got to give them the opportunity. So go as often as you can. Keep an open mind and I hope your loved ones will be there for you.

So I hope that that has helped in some way and I’ll leave that with you.


2 thoughts on “Why Has My Loved One Not Come Through?”

  1. I’m a beginner medium so this is excellent especially about their beliefs which I’m pleased to know can change once crossed over.🙏🏼

  2. Very interesting video and helpful as it gave insights into many reasons which I had not considered or understood before. Thank you so much for posting

Comments are closed.

Shopping Basket